A lot is changing in our world. From advancements in authoritarian societal design to changing understandings of the nature of who we are and why we are here, there’s a lot to discuss. At the same time, it seems like the quality of conversation taking place continues to decline.
Polarization, cancelling, in-group and outgroup dynamics, fear, and panic – all of these elements are breaking down our ability to meet each other and connect truly
I want to talk about this subject today, and what it means to truly meet people in conversation.
A Brief Story
Years ago, I was in a meeting with a friend/mentor of mine and two other individuals.
We were in a beautiful corporate retreat center that hosted some of the top companies around the world. Way back in the day, they even held a Bilderberg meeting at this place lol.
The two gentlemen we were speaking to were IT guys. They thought in terms of tech and were in this conversation to answer technical questions and explain the cost of their services.
When it came time to discuss price, the number was high, multiple tens of thousands of dollars for their services. Taken aback by the cost, my mentor decided he was going to try and talk them down in price.
He proceeded to tell them that the work being done at this event was transformative and based on the intention to shift consciousness to make the world a better place.
He spent about 5 minutes explaining what this vision of a better world would look like, and included a ton of spiritual lingo and concepts that completely went over the heads of the two gentlemen that were speaking.
Their eyes glossed over, they were clearly confused, and the words were simply not connecting. Things became rather awkward, to be honest.
In the end, they didn’t budge on the price.
After the meeting, I asked my mentor if he always approached these types of conversations in that way. He said: “Yes. I share my truth, and even if they seem to not get it, it plants a seed.”
Truthfully, I was troubled by this response. Sharing your truth and being authentic is one thing, but what about meeting people in their understanding of life and having a meaningful conversation?
Up to that point in my life, I had no issues simplifying many ideas and concepts to include them in conversation with almost anyone. It resulted in introducing ideas that people were receptive to, even if they weren’t interested in fully adopting them. We could at least discuss and I could hear their responses.
Was I doing it wrong? Was I not being authentic?
I questioned myself for a bit but realized I preferred my own strategy in the end.
Within spiritual and alternative thinking circles, it’s common that people to have trouble connecting with others who don’t think like them or believe the same things they do.
“They don’t get what I’m saying, they are too asleep,” many people say.
Yet at the same time, these people are trying to “red pill” their friends/family, dropping the most “advanced and deep truth” on them as if they need to wake them up. And when their friends and family don’t respond well to this approach, these people might say something like:
“Oh well, I planted a seed at least, one day they will get it.”
To me, I don’t think a seed is being planted in most of these cases. It’s more likely that it was dropped onto the soil and the wind blew it away.
In nature, planting a seed requires us to show up to a piece of land, understand how soft or hard the soil might be, and check moisture levels. It requires us to know how deep in the soil the seed must be planted and what temperature is best for germination. Then the seed is covered and watered.
Planting a seed means showing up to the conditions and environment and responding to it with curiosity and care. There’s a strategy involved you might say.
Nature is built on strategy as much as any conversation. If we are showing up to a conversation and are not truly looking to meet the person, but are instead just dumping our ideas on them in hopes they respond, we are not actually planting a seed. Instead, it’s blowing away in the wind.
Each of us has arrived at how we see the world based on a myriad of factors. Things like our upbringing, early patterning, life experience, ancestry, education etc. All these things shape our worldview, the language and words we understand, and how we relate to concepts.
By being curious about each person we connect with, and holding the intention to truly meet them in meaningful conversation, we can find ways to connect and meet anyone with even the most “fringey” and challenging concepts and still have a meaningful exchange.
I believe this to be a skill and intention we’ll have to hold and develop if we are to navigate the next few years productively.
Obviously, we won’t get across to everyone, and it should be expected that some people just won’t be open to some conversations, but in my experience, that is only a small percentage of people.
Reflections
What does it mean to truly meet people and connect with them on topics?
How am I showing up to conversations that don’t go well? Could I have approached it any differently? Do I even want to? Or is there a resistance to that?
How might we show up to those situations differently? What questions can be asked?
Are we going to make significant progress only in tribes, fighting each other on ideas?
