First off, I don’t want to get too caught up in this polarity of negative and positive. Just because we may not agree with what someone says sometimes doesn’t make them negative. It’s the same with information, simply because information may show that something going on is wrong, also doesn’t mean it’s negative. In the end, our perception of an experience is really what defines it.
Conversation and interaction amongst one another is probably the most important thing we have as humans as it’s how we learn from one another, work together, come up with solutions and share in experiences that bring us closer. Yet it seems like we have a tough time communicating a lot of the time.
In the video below I will quickly address the important things to remember when we are:
– In conversation with each other
– Arguing with each other
– Dealing with negative or aggressive people
[youtube id=”0MebYT8AZTo”]
Final Thoughts
A lot of times when I might be talking about something and someone might be coming back with a negative view, I use something I have made part of my life, not by technique but by nature. I simply respond in a caring and loving manner. What does that mean?
I don’t lash back at them, I don’t call them out for being negative, and I don’t get into an argumentative space. Even if they don’t agree with what I say or do, how rough the situation stays in my control. I understand that I’m not trying to win any argument or prove I’m right, I’m simply communicating ideas.
You can take things personally and start going back at them, or you can choose to understand their position. Think about how they may have arrived at that position or you can ask them to explain why they feel that way. Then simply say what’s in your heart. If you disagree with them, explain yourself from a place of calm. You can still put a lot of heart, soul and passion into something by not yelling and lashing back.
I will say that 95% of the time taking this approach immediately diffuses the situation and people actually begin to communicate much better. A lot of times it leaves an impact on them too. They ask themselves: “why was he/she so calm and cool?” Sometimes they even ask me afterwards how I stayed calm. It opens a door. There’s little benefit in responding in a matter that simply creates more friction.
Finally, turn it inward. Do you find yourself responding back to people in a negative manner? If so, ask yourself why? If you disagree with them, why can’t you share that respectfully and calmly -while communicating at a respectful level? When you search within yourself you will better understand what your own sensitivities are that are creating this response to begin with.
![Full Interview From Steven Greer’s Close Encounters of The Fifth Kind – [Joe Martino]](https://insights.collective-evolution.com/assets/uploads/2024/07/Screenshot-2024-07-08-at-4.43.12 PM-360x180.jpg)
I’ve found counterpoints are often confused as being comments from a negative person. This immediate judgement prevents a healthy discussion.
Once again, Mr. Martino, You have chosen a very pertinent, and useful topic. I read another article by you, and thought it was very interesting. I don’t know if you’ve read it, but I apologize for leaving a super-long comment on the last one, and I’ll try to keep this one shorter. 🙂
So often in the world today, I see a lack of presence, (as you sort of said). It’s quite often that you can see pointless arguments, illogical thinking, and people content with incongruity. Not only that, but people unaware of how to speak to each-other in a civil and productive manner. So for writing, and speaking about this sort of topic, I thank you.
However, there are a few things that I would like to say. I don’t think you are wrong necessarily, but I think that some things could be added.
The first thing) Arguments:
Yes. They happen quite often. Honestly, I probably argue too much as well. Just the idea of arguing though, I would argue (Haha) has many benefits. What is an argument but a disagreement. A discussion with someone, to see a “different side” as you said. But… I would not stop there. I would say that the purpose of an argument, is to find the truth. You put it well when you said that they are not about being right. You are absolutely correct. Too often I see that.
An argument, (when done as it should be) is civil, and open-minded. However, although arguments are not about being right, I believe it is RIGHT, to share what you think to be true. Now, this is where many conversations turn sour, I know. When it becomes all about proving the other person wrong, then you lose much of your civility quickly. But never is it about proving another wrong… It is about simultaneously helping each-other to find truth, by sharing your experiences and knowledge. Because when you are searching for truth, you have no side. You are just as happy if they are right, because you’ve found what you are looking for.
You are “neutral”, as you were advocating in the video.
I think if an argument is done well, it can result in one of three things:
1) You, or the other, coming to see a new truth.
2) You, and\or the other walking away with more conviction for what you have believed.
3) Or, you both coming to realize you’re wrong, and that there is something more.
Each of them offers a form of productivity. We are moved forward by all three of the results.
Too often our arguments turn to anger though. Our disagreements turned into battle strategies. Our focuses on selfish victories that mean nothing, instead of a successful, mutual, win for everyone.
I’ll cut this comment short now. 😉 There is so much more that can be discussed on this topic, but perhaps another day.
I like your point of view especially the phrase: Because when you are searching for truth, you have no side. You are just as happy if they are right, because you’ve found what you are looking for.
REMEMBER , ” those people who you sometimes hate so much, are those people who has better understanding of LOVING you least you know misinterpreted to the expectation of REVERSED THOUGHT “..
I totally agree with what you said Mr. Martino, it is indeed our perspective of the experience that defines it. it has always ended in increasing the gap I had with someone having a different perspective from mine when I typically went into arguing and trying to prove I m right.. yet when I started taking it slower n being more tolerent I gained peace 🙂
This article was very helpful in controling my negativity from now on.
Easier said then done. We all do not know the truth – I even doubt that something as “the truth” exists, even if I love, just as many others here, the concept of it. It would make so many things easier .Wouldn’t it? Communication with words has it’s barriers – words can have various meanings and are perceived on a very personal level which colors the context with personal associations, expectations, values and even fears, which are often even concealed to the person in question.
What for one is experienced as liberation can be experienced by the other as loss, depending on which side of the social ladder these people are.
To get a point over calm and kind, does not mean that person you are addressing grasped what one really meant. It’s a pain in the butt, but I think I can consider myself lucky if 30% of what I have said comes across as it was meant.
I guess part of life is “being misunderstood”.
You just began a new relationship. Your girlfriend informs you that she’s a poor communicator – up front. Ironically, she communicates VERY well when she needs to get her point across – or, is defending herself for unknown reasons? I’m the type of person that wants to get to know the person I’m with – I ask a lot of different questions (kill me…). Often times, my questions are confused with judgment, or accusation. I could see where this was the case at times; however, I began noticing a pattern where almost anything I asked was dead wrong. It became very confusing and lead to often hurtful arguments…which were unwelcomed (obviously). I eventually stopped asking questions…2.5-yrs of trying to get to know someone…loving someone…fell apart. The discovery in this is now associated with…we just weren’t compatible. I needed someone who can talk and express themselves…it just wasn’t happening. Thoughts, questions, comments?
I’m still very much in love with her, but pushed her away. Such a sad loss – for what was ‘assumed’ would be the one.